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The Real Reason Couples Divorce

Photo courtesy of Professor Thorne

David Code, author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First, wrote a fantastic article for the Huffington Post on why so many marriages end in divorce. We haven’t read his book yet, but this article is really great. Check it out!

Here’s the real reason good marriages can go bad: If a scientist places two rats on a metal grid and then passes an electric current through the grid, every time the rats feel an electric shock they will attack each other. Likewise with humans: when life gets stressful, we instinctively pick a fight with our spouses.

Have you ever looked at your spouse and secretly wondered, “Did I choose the wrong mate?” Many of us marvel at how we could have felt such a powerful chemistry for our mates before we married, but later we catch ourselves daydreaming about divorce.

It’s not our chemistry that failed us. Rather, humans have forgotten we are animals, and we share with animals a little-known, unconscious instinct to scapegoat those around us. That is what drives couples apart. But a simple awareness of our scapegoating instinct can transform how we view our marriages.

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