Two children were in the kitchen fighting over an orange. Their father walked in, saw what was going on and decided to put an end to it. He grabbed the orange from their hands, put it on the chopping block, cut it in half, and gave half to his son and half to his daughter.
Both children burst into tears. Astonished, the father turned to his son and said, “Johnny, why are you crying?”
“I wanted the whole orange!” Johnny answered, sobbing.
“You can’t have the whole orange, there’s only one orange. You have to share it with your sister. Stop crying.” Then he turned to his daughter and asked, “Suzy, why are you crying?”
Suzy sniffled and said, “Daddy, I didn’t want the orange at all.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I only wanted the peel. I need it for an icing recipe for a cake I just baked. But I have to have the whole peel.”
The father scratched his beard, thoughtfully. “You only wanted the outside of the orange?”
Suzy nodded her head sadly, a fat tear dripping from her chin. “Yes.”
“Can Johnny have the inside of the orange?”
Her eyes widened and she bounced on her toes. “Yes!”
“Johnny? Will you give your sister the orange peel if she lets you have the inside of the orange?”
Little Johnny’s face brightened and he clasped his hands together. “Yes! Of course! I didn’t even want the crummy old peel!”
***
The truth about litigated divorce is that the judge doesn’t have the time, the inclination or the imagination to find out what your interests are. When you get a traditional, litigated divorce, you get distributive bargaining. The judge is following the law. He’s lead by the rules and the statutes.
With Collaborative Divorce, as well as with mediation or The Kitchen Table Divorce, there is creativity and imagination. Your wants, your needs, and your fears are heard, acknowledged, and understood. Your spouse’s wants and needs and fears are heard, acknowledged, and understood. It’s impossible to be angry or hateful towards someone you understand.
You went into your marriage with love. If you’re getting a divorce, you have the opportunity to reorganize your life with love. It’s your choice.
