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Choose your road

Over the years Robert and I have observed the wreckage of hundreds of failed marriages.  And I’ve discovered (and I’m sure Robert would agree), through the many difficulties and challenges I’ve faced with my wife, that it has always come down to this: I’ve had to deal with my problems and she’s had to deal with her problems.  To do that we’ve had to seek outside help at various times, both separately and as a couple.  With that help we’ve watched as the problems that came between us fell into clearer perspective.  I don’t know about you, but a clearer perspective always compels me to look inward and see the ways in which I contribute to a problem.  When I’m focusing on the ways I can change a situation I don’t like, I’m too busy to go looking for someone else to blame.

In most cases, divorce is unneccessary.  Divorce usually creates more problems than it solves, if it even solves any. Marital disputes can be launching pads to heightented awareness and growth. It’s your choice.

When a marriage is in trouble the first place to go is not a lawyers office.  Between the nuptial bliss of the bedroom and the paneled chambers of the courthouse lie a wide range of helpers who are too seldom sought out.  Couples can reach out to pastors, rabbis, supportive family and friends. There are dozens of books that can help you — click here for some of my favorite recommendations. There are also licensed counselors who are trained to help individuals and couples deal with issues at the root of the cause, so that real healing can happen.  If the cost of counseling is a concern, find a community counseling center or a community family service agency in your area.  These programs are intended to help people, and often offer counseling at lower costs or a sliding scale.  Divorce is inevitable in this country, but it doesn’t have to happen to you.

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