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Granting Forgiveness

photo by Chris-Håvard Berge via PhotoRee

After a divorce, former spouses can still be left bitter and angry. They may feel betrayed, used, or, simply put, wronged. Sometimes the only way to resolve this emotional pain is through the simple act of forgiving. Deborah Moskovitch, Divorce Consultant and Educator, provides detailed insight on the topic of spousal forgiveness and lists easy ways to stay self-aware and positive towards the situation.

How people cope with the emotional consequences can significantly affect their well-being. Reducing negative emotions will give you a positive outlook, better relationships, an increased enjoyment of life, and greater optimism. The general reduction in stress that will result from controlling negative emotions is probably the best medicine for those faced with divorce.

The full article can be read here.

Return of The Chalk Guy

Before we get to the silly stuff, we’d just like to remind you that we have so many great events coming up. We have divorce workshops, financial seminars, wine tastings, and more. Please check out for further details.

Remember the man who drew 3D sidewalk chalk art and astounded millions? He’s back! Julian Beever, the man behind the chalk, continues to captivate people around the world with his work. Belgium, France, The Netherlands, Germany, Austria, the U.K., Denmark, Spain, the U.S., Australia, Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, Russia and Portugal all contain pieces by him.

Winning Is A Losing Battle

photo by timsamoff via PhotoRee

Is your relationship riddled with disagreements, a constant need to defeat your spouse, or just old-fashioned competition? An article written by Jeffrey Rubin, Ph.D., cites a need to “win” as the number one cause for divorce and loss of intimacy.

Love is not about victory for one, defeat for another, but the triumph of the union. The alternative to winning is really hearing where your partner is coming from and what she is upset about. Striving to understand doesn’t mean you agree with your partner or let go of what you value–only that you take his or her feelings seriously.

This reminds me of something Joseph Campbell wrote in An Open Life, “Marriage is an ordeal.  It means yielding time and again.  That’s why it’s a sacrament.  You give up your personal simplicity to participate in a relationship, and when you are giving, you are not giving to the other person, you are giving to the relationship.  And if you realize that you are in the relationship just as the other person is, then it becomes life-building; a life fostering and enriching experience, not an impoverishment, because you are giving to somebody else.  This is the challenge of a marriage.  What a beautiful thing is a life together; is growing personalities.  Each helping the other to flower, rather than just moving into the standard archetype.  It’s a wonderful moment when people can make the decision to be quite astonishing and unexpected, rather than to become cookie-mold products.  Failure to recognize that is the main reason for the high divorce rate that we experience today.”

To read the rest of Jeffery Rubin’s article, click here. To purchase a copy of Joseph Campbell’s book, click here.

Save The Date

The next Breakfast with Ron & Robert: Second Saturday Divorce Workshop is coming up July 9th. July’s speakers will include Attorney Ronald Supancic, Dr. Kathy Memel, Ph.D., MFT, and Irene Smith, CDFA. You’ll learn how to protect yourself in court, California guidelines for child support and spousal support, and how to help you, your kids, and your spouse cope with the divorce. Register online and get 50% off the registration fee. Register online by clicking here or call us toll free at (888) 852-9961.

What About the Children?

When the topic of divorce surfaces, the first thought of many is, “What about the children?” Divorce is thought to traumatize all children involved, and with fair reason. A family splits, lives are altered, and people must adapt to their new circumstances, whatever they may be. Stephanie Dolgoff, author and divorcee, watched peers gasp when they heard she was divorcing her husband with whom she had children. She felt terrible whenever she would receive this reaction to the news, understandably, as if she had failed her children by not working harder to save the marriage. As time went on, however, she began to feel more comfortable with how the situation turned out, as her children became more at ease with the new living arrangements. She and her husband tried to handle the divorce as maturely as they could, in the hopes that things would turn out better for everybody. They did.

I’ve learned that I’m in many ways a better parent than when I was anxious and unhappy and I was distracted by the tension in my marriage. Having gotten my divorce legs, I’m present and peaceful and able to give to them. Aside from plain wanting to leave a situation that wasn’t bringing me joy, I wanted to show my girls what a happy woman who took care of herself and her emotional needs looked like. It will serve them well.

If you’re interested in her full article, you can read it here.

Untold Secrets

Mike Emrani is a multi-lingual insurance agent with forty-five years of experience. One of his specialties is divorce financial planning. He recently sent me this article regarding the most common errors people make buying insurance, and I’d like to share it with you as well.

Do NOT blindly trust your agent, no matter how well you trust him /her. Ask questions and ask him/her to show you in writing every single subject or promise that he/she orally represents to you; especially in your life insurance policy. A lot of flaws in insurance occurs when clients blindly trust their trusted agents and do not carefully REVIEW their policy(ies).

To read the rest of this important and informative article, click here.

Have a Laugh

photo by malenga via PhotoRee

Here’s something that has absolutely nothing to do with family law and will (hopefully!) make you laugh:*

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too**

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

*Because we all need a good laugh sometimes.

**Bonus points if you can tell us whether or not the statistic is true, and where this wacky bit of info came from.

Fable of the Porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals were dying because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing their situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves. But the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: Either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from Earth. Wisely, they decided to join together again. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationships with their companions, in order to receive the warmth that came with them. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the one where each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others while admiring the other person’s good qualities.

When The Cat is Away

Can you control what your kids do when they’re spending time with your ex?

Generally speaking each parent gets to make decisions regarding a child’s activities during their period of physical custody. The State of California, represented by the judicial officer, is not the “super parent” entitled to make the usual decisions regarding how to raise children. When parents disagree about some activity (I’ve seen things like riding on motorcycles or scooters, flying in a private plane, sailboat ride, playing certain sports, eating certain foods, etc.) the limitation on the judicial officer is finding some solid evidence of actual danger to the child. To see just how high that burden is take a look at In re Marriage of Mentry, 142 Cal. App. 3d 260 (Cal. App. 1st Dist. 1983). That case was always my touchstone when these issues were brought to me. — Honorable Judge Robert Schnider (Retired)