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Phony Fathers

Getty Images; Photo Illustration by Taylor Shute

What do you do when your former spouse misrepresents time spent with your children? Facebook photos have become a pool of frustration for some parents having to deal with this deception on a regular basis. An interesting article by Joanne Latimer interviewed ex-wives of some phony Facebook fathers, as well as interviewing a father with partial custody of his children who doesn’t post pictures with them online, among others.

“It’s very grating for the custodial parent, which is often the mother,” noted Deborah Brakeley, a clinical counsellor and collaborative divorce coach in Vancouver. “It’s well known that exes, particularly moms, become resentful when their partner suddenly becomes a more dutiful parent, or at least appears so. They ask, ‘Where were you?’ They feel deceived and angry.”

The full article is available here.

Be Careful What You Tweet

Do you use Facebook?  What about Twitter, or Myspace, or YouTube?

“The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites, including YouTube and LinkedIn, over the last five years.” — Leanne Italie

Click here to read the rest of the article.

How much support am I entitled to?


Welcome to our June Newsletter!  This month we will begin the first of a two part discussion about the California Child Support Custody Time (Percentage) Calculation Method, which is found in Family Code Section 4055.

As a first step, you must determine the amount of time you spend in charge of your child per week. The calculation is complex, and failure to accurately estimate that time could significantly impact the amount paid or received for Child Support. In order to save legal fees and costs, The Law Collaborative wants to share a tool that will assist with the precise calculation of your percentage of time.  Click here to use the California Child Support Calculator.

The Court is interested in hours spent, not days. In other words, which parent will be called to assist with the child in the event of illness or distress at school? On a normal day, it is the parent scheduled to receive the child after school. If you are not the scheduled parent, then the time belongs to the other parent. The calculation commences at pick-up, and ends at drop-off, either at school or to the other parent.

This month we are excited to host our second Second Saturday Divorce Workshop on Saturday, June 12th at our Woodland Hills Office. Robert Borsky, attorney and partner at The Law Collaborative will be addressing the legal issues in divorce while Irene Smith will be discussing the financial issues associated with divorce.  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Rosalinda O’Neill will speak about the emotional issues that come up in divorce situations. This workshop will be beneficial to anyone contemplating divorce or in the middle of a divorce. The workshop is $45 if you pre-register and $50 at the door. Please call our office at (888)852-9961 for more information.  We are here to serve you.

Best,

Ron Supancic and Robert Borsky

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What’s new at The Law Collaborative

Dear Friends of the Law Collaborative,

This April we celebrate an anniversary. Although Ron and Robert have been practicing family law for a sum total of fifty years or more, this April we celebrate the First Anniversary of The Law Collaborative, LLP, formed by Ron and Robert with the stated aim of ‘Bringing Peace to the Legal Process.’

With this in mind, we offer our readers one simple suggestion for establishing peace in our daily lives.

Thankfulness.

Even in tough times, there is plenty for which to be thankful. If we establish a habit of noting the small things that mark us as fortunate, we cultivate Thankfulness and Appreciation. Establishing these qualities in our lives benefits our health, our relationships, and our general well-being. They also have a way of overflowing into the lives of others. Realize that there is no actual risk attached to exercising Thankfulness and Appreciation, and that such attitudes come with much potential benefit. Thankfulness and Appreciation may be experienced on a daily basis if we apply ourselves to forming the habit.

COLLABORATIVE LAW – The attorney who wishes to employ collaborative law in his practice must have a thorough knowledge of negotiation skills, and understand the underlying theories and strategies of negotiation. Minimum standards for collaborative family law practice are continually expanding, as the work continues to attract more followers throughout the country. The State Bar provides education on an annual basis, making available new tools, technology, and information generated by the professionals engaged in the practice. This month, on Saturday, April 10th, Ron will be the closing speaker at the “Helping Families” conference at Pepperdine Law School in beautiful Malibu. Any professional interested in learning more about collaborative practice would do well to attend. For more information, check www.CDR4-10-10event.com

We would like to share a testimonial, and our new blog –

www.RonandRobertonDivorce.com

Testimonial:

The Law Collaborative is a team of divorce lawyers and paralegals who advocate for the family. I have yet to come across another group of lawyers who take as much care in preserving family values, keeping costs down and protecting children, as the good people at The Law Collaborative. TLC focuses on keeping families together, even in the middle of a crisis. This concept has so enraptured me that I’ve been inspired to write “A Serious Girl,” a blog that focuses on marriage and family. The Law Collaborative opened my eyes to the many options we have for our marriages, our children, and our lives.

Visit Ron and Robert on Divorce on ITunes for additional information. Please call us if you have any questions. We are here to serve you.

Follow us on www.Twitter.com/TLC_Law
Add us on www.Facebook.com/TheLawCollaborative

Best,
Ron Supancic and Robert Borsky

February Newsletter

Dear Friends of the Law Collaborative,

We wish you the best in all of your relationships. In order to facilitate our wish for you, this month we have included a “tool” to help with communication in your relationships, professional and personal.

As February is often referred to as the month of love, we would like to share an article written by Dr. Mark S. Goulston, Author of “Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.”

The single best predictor of how children do post-divorce is the amount of conflict between the parents. This is true whether you’re in an intact (living together) family, a separated family, or a divorced family.

You have a unique opportunity to influence the outcome, because it takes two people to fight. You can’t fight alone. And while choosing not to engage in an argument or bad behavior is difficult, it is possible. It may take both practice and commitment on your part to make it happen.

Parents in frequent contact who are supportive of each other have well adjusted children. That’s pretty compelling, isn’t it?

10 Strategies for Preventing and Dealing With Conflict:

1. It takes two to argue. Simply refuse to participate.

2. A certain amount of tension is to be expected when you’re getting divorced. Expect difficult discussions. They don’t have to result in a fight.

3. Try to understand your spouse’s viewpoint. Once you understand what he or she wants, you can begin to see how you might be able to help resolve the situation.

4. Evaluate your own goals. Are you entrenched in a position that may have another solution? If you want your children on Wednesday night for dinner, will Thursday do? If your goal is financial security, is one particular asset the key, or could another be substituted?

5. Use “I” statements. Begin every sentence with “I”, rather than “you”. Example: “I feel upset when I hear you say that I’m a bad father because I have to work so many hours,” instead of “You are always accusing me of being a bad father.”

6. After you explain how you feel, listen to your spouse’s side of the story. Repeat what you heard, to make sure for yourself (and to convey to your spouse) that you understand how he or she views the situation.

7. Plan a time to have a discussion with your spouse about a specific issue that bothers you. Limit the discussion.

8. Choose your timing. The same comment may evoke a different response if, 1) neither of you is tired, 2) neither of you is already angry, and, 3) the children or others are not in earshot.

9. Be prepared to say “I’m sorry” sometimes. “I was wrong” can go a long way.

10. Above all, let annoyances go and choose your battles wisely. They are too important to squander. Research points to the benefits of shared parenting, defined as shared decision making, as well as shared time between two homes. Children need emotional sustenance and comfort from both parents to get their needs met. Your co-parenting responsibilities get easier over time as your children grow and their day-to-day caretaking needs lessen. One way to ensure your adult children have a good relationship with you and your former spouse is to set you own needs aside from time to time and take the high road whenever possible. Remember forgiveness is the permission you give yourself to get over an offense & move into health, healing & a happy life. It is not approval. It is not acceptance. It is a gift to you from you. Forgive.

Visit Ron and Robert on Divorce on iTunes for additional information. Please call us if you have any questions. We are here to serve you.

Follow us on www.Twitter.com/TLC_Law

Add us on www.Facebook.com/TheLawCollaborative

Ron Supancic and Robert Borsky

* A free phone consultation will provide you with general legal information. Legal information is not the same as legal advice – the application of law to an individual’s specific circumstances. Although we go to great lengths to make sure our information is accurate and useful, for specific advice on your situation, I will be pleased to provide legal advice after you accept and sign my retainer agreement.

For more information, please visit our website at: www.ronslaw.com or click here: www.divorcemagazine.com/CA/pro/supancic.shtml

Please forward a link for this newsletter to anyone you know who might benefit from this information.

January Newsletter

Dear Friends of the Law Collaborative,

It is a New Year and also a good time to review your legal affairs. Here are a few things you should think about for 2010 and beyond.

1) Review your licenses. Which ones will expire in the coming year? Mark on your new calendar the date when the license will expire and place a tickler note several weeks before the expiration date so that you have plenty of time to file for a renewal.

2) Review your life insurance. Life insurance goes directly to the beneficiary named on the policy. It does not go through your will unless you have the policy made payable to yourself. Life insurance is, however, part of your estate when it comes to paying death taxes.

3) Review your liability policies. For most people, their liability policies are their home and auto insurance policies. These policies are important because they will pay for a lawyer to defend you if you are sued.

4) Powers of Attorney: Most lawyers recommend that every adult have a durable power of attorney which will allow someone to act on their behalf if they become incapacitated. These are very dangerous documents because they give the person named total access to your assets. They are very important documents because if you become sick, they provide your family with an easy and inexpensive way of taking care of your affairs.

5) Minor Children: If you have minor children, you need to provide for their care if you get sick, are in an accident or die. Make sure your children and other responsible people in your family know where the children are supposed to go if something happens to you. Each year you should review your choice of guardian. Is that choice still a good choice?

6) Wills and trusts: Wills and trusts, when used properly, are not substitutes for each other. They are different tools used in estate planning. One very good reason to have a will is to name a guardian for your minor children. The courts will generally honor your wishes. You can also create a testamentary trust within your will to manage any money you leave for your minor children. Once your children are grown, you should change your will to reflect the change in your circumstances.

7) Elder law is a specialty. Things that elder law planners have you do are not the same as the things that tax planners will have you do. In tax planning they will tell you that you may make gifts of up to $11,000 per year to as many individuals as you want without tax consequences. That is true. Unfortunately the Medicaid rules are not the same. In many places (the rules vary slightly from state to sate) any sum of money you give away within five years of a nursing home placement will trigger a penalty.

8) Charities:  While you are reviewing your estate plan, think about supporting those charities and organizations that have been important to you. Gifts to charities are deducted from your gross estate.

9) The point is, plan ahead for yourself and your family.

We hope that this short checklist is helpful to you.  It is not all inclusive but covers the most significant points.

Visit Ron and Robert on Divorce on ITunes for additional information.  Please call us if you have any questions.  We are here to serve you.

Follow us on www.Twitter.com/TLC_Law

Add us on www.Facebook.com/TheLawCollaborative

Happy New Year,
Ron Supancic and Robert Borsky

The attorneys and staff of The Law Collaborative join with me to wish you all Joy and Peace in the New Year.

* A free phone consultation will provide you with general legal information. Legal information is not the same as legal advice – the application of law to an individuals specific circumstances. Although we go to great lengths to make sure our information is accurate and useful, for specific advice on your situation, I will be pleased to provide legal advice after you accept and sign my retainer agreement.

For more information, please visit our website at: www.ronslaw.com and www.thelawcollaborative.com. Or click here:www.divorcemagazine.com/CA/pro/supancic.shtml

Please forward a link to this newsletter to anyone you know who might benefit from this information.  Thank you!